Driving in Ireland and other near disasters

Almost missing our domestic connection to our international flight was bad enough.  But add to that not sleeping for the entire flight to Dublin, you can just imagine my physical and emotional state (we are not even talking psychological - currently still in therapy).  Now, I find myself throwing our bags in a car and hopping into the passenger's seat.  My wife calmly said, "Wrong side of the car, honey."  She uses "honey" when she has discovered something I have done wrong but I,as of that point, are unaware of my miscue.

After finding my place on the "right" side of the car, I spend a full 15 minutes familiarizing myself with the controls.  After starting the car, and pulling out of the parking slot, I am triumphant as I am on the left hand side of the road.  My wife reminds me, "Honey, we are still in the parking lot."  Now I must take my talents on to a road with other moving vehicles.  My prayer life hit new heights at that very moment.  Pulling into traffic I repeat to myself, "stay to the left".  For the next hour, I ask my wife 742 times, "Am I in the correct lane?"

I soon discover my two new best friends are Mary, the GPS voice (sorry +Diane Bilyeu) and Dodi.  Dodi is doing her best Sigourney Weaver impersonation from Galaxy Quest.  She carefully repeats and interprets the voice from the GPS.  While these two women are speaking to one another, I have found a new meditative mantra   "The center of the road is on my right.  I hold the center of the road in my right hand.  Left is right."  While this is all well and good on M-50 and M-4 (for those of you in the states, these are median divided 4 lanes),  the moment one leaves the the motorway is another matter altogether.  No amount of chanting, mantras or prayers can prepare you for the "regular" roads.

Imagine, if you will, the white line on the outside edge of your lane, the one right next to the "shoulder" of the road.  In the states, there is usually enough room to get half a car on the shoulder.  In many places, the entire car can be gotten off the road and onto the shoulder.  Not so much here. Fences, hedges, barns, and stone walls use the white strip as a building guide.  So while Dodi is yelling, "Get over, GET OVER!" I am yelling at the car coming from the opposite direction, "Get over, GET OVER!"  Even Mary the GPS voice has joined in, "In 3 miles...get over, GET OVER!" This trio of shrieking voices rivals Anuna for composition and harmony.  After a while, we stopped screaming altogether and merely scrunched up our shoulders, closed our eyes and hoped for the best with each passing car.

Traffic circles are no longer the terror they once were. I take them in stride like a Grand Prix master.  They seem to make sense to me now.  I even enjoy city driving.  Want to know why?  Every one is in their own lane.  I don't have to think which one is mine.  Follow the tails lights, not the headlights is the principle I live by now.  No, I don't usually do that anyway!  I'm too creative to just follow the crowd.

What still is a difficulty for me...country intersections with no other cars for reference.  That is when I start chanting again, "The center of the road is on my right.  I hold the center of the road in my right hand.  Left is right."  All the while my eyes are tightly closed.